Thirty Two

Today I’m going to talk about the number thirty-two and explain why it apparently makes me a bad person. But first I’d like to discuss Global-Warming.
I’ve written about it before, but it deserves repeating that in the 70’s the “experts” told us we were all going to die because of Global-Cooling. That’s right, we were headed for another Ice Age. The evidence was irrefutable. The Polar Ice Caps were expanding and the only way to save the planet was to warm it. These same “experts” devised a plan to cover the Ice Caps with a layer of soot, forcing them to melt, in turn it would warm the earth. It was our only chance.
Well that didn’t exactly pan out. Today a new generation of “experts” are telling us the same Polar Ice Caps are melting and because of this we’re all going to die. Our good buddy Al Gore, the High Priest of the Global-Warming movement says they’ve got it right this time and that the evidence is once again irrefutable.
I love watching those Hollywood celebrities and other multi-millionaires living in their mansions that consume the same amount of energy as a small town telling us we need to change our light bulbs. It cracks me up to watch these self centered, hypocrites get off their private jets to tell us we all need to cut back to save the planet.
What’s sad is that some people buy into it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for taking care of the planet. I’m very careful not to litter. I don’t really drive anymore than I need to. Not so much to save the world, I’m just tight and don’t want to pay any more for gas than I have to. But come on, I saw this poor guy riding one of those cute little scooters the other day. There he was with his over-sized white helmet, white shirt, black tie, and his Tupperware lunch box securely strapped on behind him sitting at a stoplight, when two older women on Harley’s pulled up beside him. One on each side. I couldn’t tell what they were saying, but I could tell they got a kick out of it. I doubt it bothered the guy because he was saving the planet. Besides, that’s what Oprah wants him to do.
Now we have Sheryl Crow unveiling her plan to save the world. According to Ms. Crow, there’s no reason to use more than one square of toilet paper during any bathroom visit. I can think of several reasons Sheryl. How about it just being gross, and I’ll leave it at that.
This has to be the height of hypocrisy. Here we have a world famous, multi-millionaire who has everything money can buy and the only thing she can give up is toilet paper.
Sheryl, I don’t care about your bathroom habits. I do hope you wash your hands though. Your people will win a few battles along the way. You might force me to change my light bulbs, drive a tiny truck that won’t have the power to get out of it’s own way. I’ll probably lose the choice between paper or plastic. But you have a hell of a lot of nerve telling me how to wipe my own butt.
Oh yeah, thirty-two. That’s how many squares I used recently, and if I’d needed more I’d have used them. Makes you want to go out and start shaking hands, doesn’t it. Sorry, but this old guy is really grossed out now.
Kevin McGinty can be reached at: kevinmcginty@sbcglobal.net