Monday, December 22, 2025

Probably the last thing I need right now...

 


To say the nights are almost unbearable is a understatement. What used to a welcome chance to rest up and recharge for the next day has been replaced by waking up at 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning staring at the ceiling feeling the emptiness that's become her side of the bed until I can't take it anymore and finally get out of bed to await the sunrise.

There was once a time when I loved sunrises. In my mind a sunrise was a new beginning so to speak. Another chance to finish up unfinished business. A chance to right whatever wrongs you might have done the day before.

But then one of those beautiful sunrises that I had always enjoyed came along and my world fell apart.

You see, just after sunrise almost 6 months ago we discovered my beloved wife of 46 years had suddenly just died in her sleep.

Nothing in my 66 years of life could have prepared me for the initial shock of desperately begging her to, please wake up.

She was gone and no amount of begging could change it.

There was no warning of any kind. 

No chance to say goodbye.

She was just gone.

For all practical purposes most of me died right along with her that day.

I suppose at some point I'm going to have to accept what happened.

But today's not that day...

Kevin McGinty


Monday, December 1, 2025

Truth is, I'll probably never get this far...

 


In Their Footsteps

You think you're prepared.
You go in with boxes and garbage bags. You tell yourself you’ll be strong.
You think, “It’s just stuff.”
But then you open a drawer.
And their handwriting is still on a notepad.
Their scent still clings to the sleeves of that sweater you begged them to throw out every winter.
Their shoes are still lined up by the door like they might be back any minute.
You find yourself sitting on the floor, holding a shirt to your face, trying to memorize a smell you know is already fading.
You whisper “I’m sorry” to objects you tuck away in boxes.
You fold things neatly like you’re still trying to take care of them.
You pause before tossing something out, because what if that was their favorite?
No one tells you how loud the silence is when their closet door creaks open.
No one tells you how heavy an empty coat can feel in your hands.
No one tells you that cleaning out a space can shatter you all over again.
It’s not just cleaning.
It’s letting go of little pieces you were never ready to lose.
It’s closing a drawer for the last time and feeling like you’re betraying them.
It’s packing up the life you shared, while your heart silently begs, please don’t make me.
Because deep down, you’re not just packing away their things —
you’re packing away pieces of yourself too.
And you’re terrified of what’s left when all of it is gone.

I wasn't prepared for any of this...

 


Short answer? 

No.

The one thing that's kept me from completely losing my mind since Linda died is the hope and firmly held belief that one day we'd be reunited and spend eternity together in Heaven.

What I've learned since is that there'll be no marriages in Heaven. 

I know, the very small circle of friends I talk to and everything I read say pretty much the same thing,

It'll be something better, they say.

Maybe it's just time for me to accept the fact that it really is over.

Maybe, I don't know.

I don't know how to do that.

And I don't know how much longer I can go on like this...



Saturday, November 29, 2025

Friday, November 21, 2025

I hate that this stone even exists...

 


I've been doing a lot of reading since my wife died and one of saddest things I've learned is that once  I finally pass from this world and join her in Heaven she'll no longer be my wife.

So, it really is over.

I've always heard that God won't give us more than we can handle.

I'm not so sure about that...

Kevin McGinty

Tuesday, November 11, 2025

What a horrible and lonely place...

Because the cemetery cleans and throws away any and all gravesite mementoes left starting tomorrow  I had to clean it all up. 

The end result?

Possibly the loneliest place I've ever seen.

I miss you so much, Darling...



Sunday, November 9, 2025

I'm still here but I literally have no idea why....

 


Pretty much sums it up.

The problem is that there's not a damned thing I can do about any of it...

Kevin McGinty

Saturday, November 8, 2025

So many stories to tell but no idea how much time to I have to tell em. Better get started then,,,

 I was talking to Karen the other day about dusting off this old blog and maybe add her and possibly Donna, Bill, and Joe as authors. But then I thought how quickly the whole thing could devolve into political and social chaos.

We'll see.

I've already added Karen as an author and once we get that all figured out and settled we'll probably see how it goes from there. 

I have so many stories to tell, one in particular was the 10 day trip the three of us took in October of last year. I remember at the time we billed it as "a trip of a lifetime" not knowing it literally was. 

I do look forward to rehashing that trip but there's also the back story that led up to it in the first place.

Well, I guess it wasn't really all that big a back story. The more my wife talked about it the more I was convinced the whole thing was just some hairbrained idea two crazy, out of control sisters had come up with and that it'd all just blow over. All I had to do was to keep a low profile and I'd be fine.

Yeah, that didn't work.

Another story that's never really been told is why I sometimes jokingly and almost always affectionately refer to my wife and her sister (my two traveling companions) as my "Little Helpers" and just maybe if I can figure out how to post a video I'll just show you.

One of the things I learned on that 10 day cross country adventure was that I was blessed to have two of the best little helpers any guy could ever hope to have. 



It's been just shy of 4 months since my wife died without warning in the middle of the night.

And just in case you're wondering if I'm okay.

No. No I'm not.

But I'm doing the best I can...

Kevin McGinty





Friday, October 31, 2025

Thanks for the ride, Darling, 


October 31, 1975. Even though that was 50 years ago I remember it like it was just yesterday.

50 years ago tonight this smokin hot, 15 year old blonde named Linda Ledbetter I'd recently met agreed to go out with me. Man I was a nervous wreck. I took her to the Pizza Hut in North Topeka. I went ahead and ordered us both drinks and my all time favorite mushroom pizza only to find out later she really, really hated mushrooms.

We finished our exquisite dining experience and headed off right down the street. I took her to the Cloverleaf Drive-In to see The Longest Yard with Burt Reynolds.

It's funny, she didn't like my taste in pizza and I suspect she questioned my intentions by taking her to a drive-in theater in the first place but for whatever reason, from that first date on we never looked back and were together ever since..

Somehow or another after we stumbled through that first date we managed to turn it into a lifetime together. A lifetime filled with struggles, celebrations, happiness, sadness, chaos, and calm.

We raised three kids, paid bills, we loved each other, we fought like cats and dogs, but at the end of every day we always had each other.

Till we didn't.

I have no idea what life has in store for me from here on out.

What I do know though is that even though you're no longer here I still love you with all my heart and I'll miss you till the day that I die...




Monday, October 9, 2023

Solo Expedition...

 I haven't really talked about it much but every other weekend I usually head out by myself. It's usually the day I seek out new fishing holes. Some are places I've either heard or read about and some of them are actually places I've stumbled across mostly by accident.

Yesterday was one of those days.

It all started out with a trip to one of our local Walmarts where I've had my eye on a new pole for quite some time now. I've been hoping that eventually they'd realize the season's coming to an end and put their fishing gear on clearance.

Fat chance.

Anyway, since Monday (today) was my 65th birthday and since I've been relatively good all year (at least in my humble opinion) I'm now the proud owner of a brand new Ugly Stik fishing pole.


 For those of you who know about such things you already understand. And those who don't, well, just know this, it's a pretty big effing deal.

When I got home I showed it to my loving wife. She just rolled her eyes and asked me, just how many fishing poles do you really need? 

Then she mistakenly said something like, good grief, you already have like 20 of them. As usual, I should have kept my mouth shut but I couldn't help myself from correcting her.

No darling, with today's exciting addition, I now have 28.

I could be wrong but it sure does seem like "Whatever" has become one of her favorite words.

And because no one in town opens till 6:00 a.m. I got started a little later than I like but because I was headed out to places I hadn't been to in years it was probably just as well.

I started out at Dragoon Creek which runs into lake Pamona. The place was beautiful. It was still early enough that a light mist was still hovering over the creek. The shadows in the surrounding woods made it look a little spooky. All the way up and down as far as I could see the creek was easily accessable. The only problem was the complete and total lack of fish.


From there I took several dirt roads in search of a place called 110 mile creek state park. Actually, it was pretty easy to find and I'm glad I did. Pretty cool place. It runs along the banks of lake Pamona. I got out and made a few casts knowing full well I wasn't going to catch anything. 


I drove around the little park then headed up to Osage County State Lake via dirt roads. It was a pretty cool little trip. Tried fishing it for a little while but wasn't surprised when nothing became of it.

By now it the Chiefs game was going to start soon so I packed it in and headed to the house.

Did I catch anything?

Do I care?

Not really.

What I did accomplish, was I found a new spot to take the grandkids next weekend.

You guys stay safe and be well...

Kevin McGinty



Sunday, October 8, 2023

And they ask me why I go fishing so much...

 


***Live Updates***

Jewish Holiday Horror: Historic Terror in Israel

Hamas Rains Thousands of Rockets

Shock: Militants Infiltrate towns

unprecedented # of Civilians, Soldiers Held Hostage in Gaza

Hezbollah Fires Mortar Shells from Lebanon

Claim: Iran Directly Backed Attack

Report: 300 people dead, ~1,900 wounded

Netanyahu Vows Revenge Like Never Before

‘This is our 9/11’

Palestinians celebrate their return after crossing the border fence with Israel from Khan Yunis in the southern Gaza Strip on October 7, 2023. Barrages of rockets were fired at Israel from the Gaza Strip at dawn as militants from the blockaded Palestinian enclave infiltrated Israel, with at least one person …

The Palestinian militant group Hamas launched unprecedented terror attack on Israel, which has included the firing of thousands of rockets into Israel and the infiltration of Israeli territory by land, air, and sea.



Probably the last thing I need right now...

  To say the nights are almost unbearable is a understatement. What used to a welcome chance to rest up and recharge for the next day has be...